


You Wear Your Skin Like Its Too Tight.

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot of soul searching at various points, Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Langst, M/M, Mermaids, More tags to be added, SO MUCH DAMN ANGST, Scottish Gaelic, gratuitous use of songs, klangst, lance isnt fully human, mermaids in space, supportive team, well from what we have at time of posting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Lance and Airlocks have never got on well together. It seems the universe is out to get him one more time when a diplomatic mission goes south and Lance discovers something quite extra-ordinary about himself.Can he and the team figure it all out when theyre trying to juggle the universe's safety and with everything else that goes on in the life of a paladin?





	1. For All The Water In The Ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this originally started as a small oneshot for Somethingcool412 as a gift for helping out on TSOTS but its now a long thing. welp but yeah enjoy!!!!!

Here he was again, it always seemed to be him and though the team loved and supported him, they never really understood his fear of airlocks, sure he had been flung out or nearly too many times to count, maybe it was just his stupid bad luck.

 _Thirty ticks and counting to air lock release._

Shit he was here again, it was always an air lock. He felt more claustrophobic than ever. He had never liked tight spaces and his love for the sea partially stemmed from its endlessness and the sense of calm it brought him, he didn't care that it was bottomless or what awaited in the depths. It was always better than being in a cramped space. All his siblings felt it so he wasn't alone in his plight.

_Twenty ticks and counting to air lock release_

It wasn't his fault that he had got stuck in here on an unknown vessel, and it wasn't his fault that there had been a massive crack in the visor of his helmet. This is how I end, he thought to himself, with my brain squeezing out of my head into a vacuum. That's sure is some way to go. 

_Ten ticks and counting, nine, eight, seven, six, five , four, three, two one, Air lock released._

Lance was flung out into space and he felt himself countdown his final thirty seconds and accepted the inevitable end. He heard the frantic cries in his comms unit, especially Keith’s yelling.

“LANCE! I’M COMING, LANCE!!!!”

He only had a few seconds left as he felt the cold enter his body at a sudden rate and he closed his eyes.

Mere hours before, Lance was voicing his concerns to the team.

“Guys, this doesn't feel right,” 

“How so Lance?” asked Keith, since they had found clone Shrio and the real Shiro with Matt, Keith had been keeping a closer eye on him, as were the team. His friendship with Allura and Keith were thriving and he felt a bit more at home but nonetheless he still like the seventh wheel, it truly sucked being there but he knew it was his mind. The team had proven that he was needed since the initial fallout when he couldn't take the anxiety that had gotten to much for him. At every point they tried to build each other up and spend time with each other as a team and individually. Shiro’s clone had been welecomed in long ago and usually went by a nickname of Kuro. None of them had held what the galra had done to him, it wasn't his fault the Galra had created him. 

“Lance?” asked Hunk,

“It's too easy, look at all these vantage points that are empty, these should be full of soldiers.”

“Lance is right, look here too,” Kuro pointed to three ships that were entering and leaving the planet below, “They are unguarded and there are no checks, its too perfect. But also there are protected entry points. None of this makes sense tactically.”

“Good spotting Lance, Kuro, as a precaution we will be in our armour and everyone stay on guard, don't be in anything less than pairs.” Keith then shuffled a little closer to Lance, after all they made the best duo in team Voltron and with a bit more training together, could be an unstoppable force on their own. 

Not long after their briefings took place, they boarded the Corzian ship. They had been greeted and were shown to the main deck where they were were being entertained. Entertaining was a rather loose word, they were bombarded by officials then the explosion went off. It wasn't large but it was enough to send the team scurrying off to defend the people. Shiro then sent Keith and Lance off to investigate on the south decks where the explosions could be heard to take out any enemies as possible. 

When they had arrived, they had been ambushed and were having to fight of a hoard of fighters and over the din of Keith’s bayard clashing against weapons and flesh, the laser fire and hum of electric staffs, they heard cries. 

“Lance I’ll hold them off, you go see what that is, I’ll be right behind you Sharpshooter,” Keith yelled over the noise.

“You got it, Samuri” he replied as he ran off down the corridors and the crying got louder. In what seemed to be a cell sat a small child who wasn't Corzian but galran. Lance shot at the lock mechanism and the cell opened up. He ran in and scooped up the child and started to make his way back. Theyn it happened, the child became heavier and morphed into a pink, scaly, four armed Corzian. 

“How foolish of you to blindingly trust a child, you pathetic piece of shit. You couldn't even bring your friends along with you. No matter, you will all die anyway. Our government is too stupid to see past their own noses. Vrepit Sa.” It hissed at him. Lance tried to fight back he honestly did, he grabbed his bayard and tried to shoot, it had morphed into a pistol but the Corzian was too fast and knocked hit from his hand with its prehensile tail and used it to break the visor in his helmet. In his distraction, Lance was lobbed into the airlock and the release system had started. 

Just my luck Lance thought to himself as the pain began. He was feeling pain. He should have been dead. What the everloving fuck? It was like his skin was being stretched beyond its limit and all his bones were fusing. Gods dying hurt. And then it stopped and he opened his eyes. He felt his heart beat once then twice but slower than he was used to. When had everything gotten smaller and he looked down. And then he screamed. His dark skin was marked by luminescent purple and blue markings all over his body and tail. He had a purpley blue tail with deep blue markings and somehow he could move in space, seemingly breaking a law of physics. He ran his tongue over his now sharp pointed teeth and wide gills ran behind his ears and through his hair, much in the same way his sister's pet axolotls gills did. 

He was a fucking space mermaid. After his initial what the fuck moment, he flipped in the vacuum of space and brought a had around the ship that more Corzians were flowing from he then lobbed it as far as he could throw. Which turned out to be pretty far indeed. In his periphery he saw the lions approaching him and when he had been human, could he revert back? They drafted him and now, they might as well have just been large earthen cat, like a maine coon he thought. He presumed they were trying to talk to him but without any comms units it was useless. Sound didn't travel in space. 

 

Meanwhile in the lions and the castle chaos ensued. 

“Allura what the hell?!” Shiro yelled as soon as they returned to their lions once everyone on board was safe. 

“Shiro I have no clue myself.” She looked to Kuro who shrugged and brought up the scans of each of them when they had first entered the castle three years ago. Why they hadn't thought of checking these when they first woke up she had no idea, it would have saved so much pain, for Keith and now apparently Lance. 

Allura scoured his DNA profile and found something that came up as unidentified. There was nothing in the databases even after they had updated it. 

“Ughh what the quiznack. Just ugh. Paladins return to the ship and try to get Lance to follow.” 

When they had returned, Allura sensed the uneasy feeling that had settled over them. They had to discuss what the hell they would do with Lance. They had all seen the fallout from his anxiety. They had seen Lance at his lowest and promised there and then to be more vocal of their praise for him. They had gotten better and as a team became better and so much stronger for it. 

“What are we going to do?” asked Kuro, he may only have been around the team for less that half a year but he had cared so much for his friend. But his question was answered by silence.

“Ok, how did this happen?” 

“We went down to the decks as your ordered Shiro, then we heard crying from the lower decks so Lance went off to see it. Then over the comms I heard Lance screaming about an airlock and I ran for him. He was ejected into space, I didn't get there in time, I caused this. I..”  
“Keith, this wasn't your fault, you tried and he isn't dead, he just seems to be a giant space merman whose species we cannot identify,” Coran said, all most too cheerfully. 

“Coran, is there really nothing?” inquired Hunk.

“It seems like when he was exposed to the vacuum of space unprotected, it triggered this transformation!” Coran really was too happy about this Allura thought, but then again. This was Coran who had once decided that Allura’s training as a kid would be improved with a fair few encounters with Altea’s more violent creatures. 

“This feels like we’re in a movie. Hunk am I turning into a cartoon? If so please tell Matt he’s an idiot and that he can lower me into my grave so he can let me down one last time.” Pidge moaned, and earned a well deserved poke from their brother who was sitting next to them. 

“But, it does sound like a mermaid movie - how a mermaid comes ashore and has legs once dry and when back in the water has a tail right? Maybe we just need to expose him to an atmosphere that his Human DNA can respond to cand force a change. Of course it will be all written down. For Science. Naturally.”

“Matt, you're a genius!” 

“Hey, I thought I was the genius?! Hunk how dare you betray me like that! Right the two of you are lowering me down into my grave.” 

“Matt might be onto something,” Allura drew up a star chart, “There’s a planet with a similar atmospheric composition to Earth’s, if we can get Lance to enter the atmosphere he could change back…”

“One of us will then catch him in our lion before reentry burns him up into a crisp and ensure he has enough oxygen. Shifting must be painful if it's anything like it is for me.” Keith continued. He had been exposed to a massive beam of pure quintessence and it had caused some of the physical galra traits to appear under high stress, it was mostly purple patches of skin and big fluffy ears and occasionally claws but the ears and claws retracting always hurt like hell. Keith always went to Lance when that happened and the distractions Lance could provide helped to take away the pain, a lovely effect of Lance being his boyfriend. 

“Red is fastest, Keith you be the one to catch him. Pidge, Hunk and Matt, could you guys start to create a device for Lance when he’s in this form? We won't be able to talk with the usual methods, sound waves cannot be used.”

“Our pleasure Princess,” Pidge’s eyes glinted evilly as their brain started to work. 

“Now to find a giant sign to show to Lance…” Allura signed, they would somehow have to tell this all to Lance, but how they had no idea.

 

Lance was getting bored out in space. It was too quiet and the weird elation of what had happened had worn off pretty quickly. He couldn't even get a good look at himself, he was a bloody space mermaid for fucks sake. After an hour of waiting and floating in nothingness, he saw Shiro fly Black out in front of him and climb out onto her snout with massive sets of paper. On it, text was written in Shiro’s hand writing. 

**Lance, we have an idea, you will need to follow the ship.** Shiro then swapped the paper with some difficulty, **You will need to reenter the atmosphere and Keith will catch you in Red.** Shiro then moved to the next paper, **we all think you look awesome by the way and we’re here if you need us** at the end was a little heart as a full stop. Lance’s face must have lit up and he could have sworn he had heard himself trill in delight. Lance was a good singer if he would say so himself, his entire family were, but this was something completely new. It was like a bird or something. He didn't know how to explain it. 

Shiro then wrote something down on the paper, **we leave in a few minutes, hopefully this works** and added a smiley face, Lance nodded and smiled. Shiro gave him a thumbs up and returned to the castle. Soon enough, the castle engines fired up and Lance kept pace beside it easily. After swimming? Flying? Whatever in space, he saw red fly out to meet him and he was glad that he wouldn't face entry into the planet's atmosphere alone. There was no one he trusted more than Keith and he was glad that his boyfriend would be by his side. 

He braced himself and felt pressure build around his skin and he felt the heat, air flooding his lungs then as he fell, his speed increased and the pain from being burnt alive started to set in and he felt himself pull apart. He mercifully blacked out as the pain increased.

Keith urged Red to go faster, and Red was quick to agree. She had liked Lance piloting her and wanted to save him. She hadn't seen her paladin this happy and she wasn't going to let it go. 

_We will get there, I promise_

Keith was also sure that Blue was yelling at her sister to get her paladin back or she would be the grumpiest cat in existence. Which was a feat because Keith had met Red. 

_I felt that_ came the indignant reply from that trail of thought. 

“Well, I do remember when I first met you and tried to fly you. Lance may be the man for me, but you’re the only girl I want.” Keith felt Red roll her eyes as she caught Lance in her mouth with as little force as possible and sent her disdain for his last comment to Keith. Lance was really rubbing off on him, not that he minded, he was one of the best versions of himself that he could be. He was more sociable and as introverted as he was, Lance really had brought out the best in him. Red hovered in the atmosphere and Keith went to get Lance, he was unconscious but it was to be expected. He did first aid on the small burns that had appeared but they were nothing serious, they would just be uncomfortable for the next hour or so. The trip back to the castle occurred in relative ease and Keith had Lance draped over him as he flew Red. 

Outside the door to Red’s hangar waited the team and Blue had stuck her head in through the gap to look on her paladin. Shiro and Kuro then took Lance off of Keith and moved him into a healing pod. Keith then set an alert for five minutes before Lance was due to emerge. Like the first time, Keith wanted to be the first thing Lance saw. Less than an hour later, Keith was waiting outside the pod, ready to catch Lance.

The pod hissed open and Lance stumbled out and immediately winced, and Keith knew it was from transforming back into a human, the residual pain that lingered in his muscles and bones usually did that. He held Lance and stoked his cheek, murmuring sweet nothings as he led them out of the medical bay to their room. Once there Keith guided them to the bed and let Lance curl into him.

“Hey sweet, the pain goes, I promise,” He said as he stroked Lance’s hair, “I’m here, I’m not leaving. Sweetheart, I’m here. When the pain’s gone, then we can do whatever you want; talk, dance, race the lions. Anything you want, just close your eyes.” Keith stroked Lance’s hair and made sure the scratch him behind the ears. Soon Lance fell into a natural sleep and Keith held Lance a tiny bit closer, they had gotten so close to losing him and it had almost been a reality. His alien DNA had been the only thing that had saved him. He had nearly lost Lance too many times to count though at least the vacuum of space wasn't something he needed to worry about now. He soon fell asleep too and both of them were temporarily lost to the world. 

Lance woke up when Allura called them all for a debrief over the tannoy system and gently nudged Keith awake, there was a small ache in his muscles but the worst had passed. If that's what Keith had to face whenever he got stressed, Lance felt so sorry for him.

They made their way to the briefing and took their seats. After the initial what happened, Allura got curious. 

“The Corzians we were talking to seemed very interested in joining our coalition, why would they attack you Lance?”

“I think it may be a sect that oppose the government and align with the Galra. The one who chucked me out used the Galran salute, there might be a civil war brewing, maybe that's why they wanted to meet on a space cruiser rather than on Corzia’s surface.”

“It does seem to be that way, I looked up some of the history of Corzia and there had been feuding for generations on their planet. Is it right that we help one side? Or do we help mediate?” interjected Coran

“Mediate and then leave probably, the majority of the citizens want to help Voltron, we can't just leave them.” Lance replied.

“They tried to kill you Lance!”

“So have the galra. A dedicated duck could if it really tried - Remember that assassin that did look like a rubber duck? They aint that special.” Keith couldn’t help but snigger with his boyfriend, Keith had been in the assassin's line of fire when on a diplomatic mission a few space weeks ago. 

“We will meet with them again it seems, but first, we tell then we are tending to our injured paladin. Lance, we want to help with all this mermaid thing if you’d let us.” 

Lance was glad Allura had learnt from what happened to Keith and was grateful he would have time to adjust and work out how exactly this worked. Maybe he could find out the how and why this had even come about.

His relief must have been evident on his face as Keith pulled him back when debriefing was over. 

“You know you can talk to me about this part alien stuff right?” 

“Yeah I do. Like everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. And I almost died. Again. If I never see another airlock in my life again it would be too soon. I don't want to leave you. Any of you, even if my head tells me otherwise. My heart wants to live with you.” 

“I never want to leave you either, we will be fine, I promise.” Keith pulled Lance in close and they started to walk towards the hangars. 

When they had to switch lions, Blue had shut him out and it did hurt. It helped fuel his insecurities and he had hoped that Blue would have seen it. But then Red called to him. Not long after finding Shiro, Blue wanted to talk. He had accepted warily but was apprehensive sitting in his old seat, she no longer had Lance’s trust. 

Lance knew his insecurities got in the way sometimes and the team had hurt him in small ways but they all meant well at the time, Lance was just good at hiding them. Soon after Lance had gone to Keith for the first time, they softened up around him and let him talk and lean back on them. They had grown so much stronger and Lance could no longer miss the fond looks Keith sent his way. 

Blue had explained how she had the closest quintessence to Allura and none of the other lions could have opened up for her. That she hadn't meant to shut him out completely but it was the best way for Allura. Lance still felt the hurt as fresh as the day she had shut him out. He felt her sorrow and her pride in him but it didn't excuse what she had done. But know he was left with two bonds in his head. Red and Blue were as bad as each other and he knew Keith had the same problem with Black. But Lance couldn't help but adore Red, sure she was the fastest but damn she could rival Blues chattiness and there was something that felt good being with her. She hadn't given up on him when he returned to Blue and it was to Red they went to now. 

Red was curled up into a bally and as soon as they entered her periphery she burst into life, it had taken some getting used to. Having a ginormous lion, one of the small ones he hastened to add, running at him never ceased to be terrifying. But he always felt safe, Red loved him and he couldn't escape it, not that he wanted to. After clambering on to her par, she curled back up.

“Do you think there's more like me out there?”

“Probably, we’re going to a library and checking lore records. Something should come up.”

Lance still didn't feel confident. They were still in orbit of the planet that Red had picked him up in and he had an idea, a painful one, but something he felt he needed to do. Keith soon fell asleep on Lance and once Lance was sure he wouldn't wake up, he placed his jacket over him and walked to the nearest airlock. He opened it and flew out into space.

This time he knew what to expect and the pain wasn't as bad as the first time he transformed. He couldn't care that the clothes he worse had torn, they were from a swap moon, he could always get more. He tried to experiment with what he could do, he still had the connection to Red and Blue, with Red warning him to be careful. Blue was still silent, the tension between them had not fully eased from her shutting him out with all that she knew about Lance, 

He found he could move in space fast and he had some considerable power. He also looked stunning if he did say so himself. He saw the fins that were attached to the tail that he could move which when fanned out were massive and he wondered what they were there for. He felt electricity crackle over his skin and he thought he had felt alive in the lions but this was something completely different. 

Lance had a feeling that most people on the Castle were asleep and he liked the look of the nebula he was floating near and decided to take a look. As he settled and watched new stars form, something deep inside of him told him to sing. He had no idea where the urge came from but he started to hum some song from Earth and though it made him sad it was comforting. He found he could curl around his tail and the vibrations from his humming helped distract him from his homesickness. Three years and they still hadn't been home and the war still waged, would he still be able to call Earth home after all this? 

Lance must have fallen asleep because he saw all four lions out near the nebula where he had been swimming around earlier and he had no recollection of when they got there. Lance waved to them but they couldn't see him. He raced out to meet them but they didn't see him. He started to move as erratically as possible to come up on the sensors and he yelled knowing it couldn't work. He was right and he felt the electricity build up and it released, all the plasma being released and the light illuminating his figure. 

 

Keith had woken up without Lance there and was sure it was due to Red getting nasty, 

_He said he would return, He should be back._

He leapt into Red and soon after the rest of the team were out in space with Coran and Kuron keeping an eye on the scanners and trying every methods they could think of to find Lance. All Keith had found was an open air lock. It hurt a bit but they would be able to find a massive fucking space mermaid in space. He would be huge and not that hard to miss really.

Oh how wrong he was. They had spent almost three hours searching the surrounding quadrants and sectors and nothing. They were trying to get readings on the nebula clusters that were currently surrounding them and there was no read on Lance. Then he thought he saw something come up on his communications feed, a hail from something, something that was calling him out into space and he just wanted to follow it but it went as fast as it came. Then what looked like lightning illuminated a shape against the darkness, a very Lance like shape. He wished Allura was flying Blue but Blue refused anyone but Lance right now. They could use the sonar function from Blue.

 _Too little, too late_ Red sent to him, Red loved her sister but Red was the one who helped Lance back up not Blue, and it showed. Red increased the brightness on her torches and he could just see the outline of Lance and flew up to meet him and stood on Red’s nose. He felt so tiny compared to Red and he was dwarfed even more by Lance. He reached out his hand and stroked Lance’s face and he felt muscle twitch up and he rested his head against Lance’s face. 

“Let’s get you back to normal sweet,” he said and hoped that Lance would understand. 

When Lance entered the atmosphere of some planet he didn't pass out and was more prepared for what came. He knew it would hurt but Lance was walking it off and he seemed to be well. 

“I didn't mean to scare you guys, I just wanted to see what I could do and I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry, next time I’ll tell you guys.”

“Next time?” spluttered Allura over the comms, “You could have died or got lost in space! We would have lost you. Again.”

“But we can use this! We all know you fly Blue better than I ever could and this way we don't need to worry about Voltron not being formed. Allura, think about this, Lotor is still out there and he doesn't know about this!!! We can test how far I can go with this and we then use it!” Lance replied, and he didn't notice the hurt in his boyfriends eyes, that Lance still felt like that. 

A few seconds later they arrived back in the caslteship but the tension was thick in the air and soon enough Lance was mobbed by Hunk and Shiro, with Pidge following soon after. 

“Lance, Blue chose you and we need you in Blue, we need our sharpshooter.” Shiro said, but Lance didn’t feel it. None of them had been locked out of their lions during the switch. Keith was free to visit Red and he did. But Blue had thrown up the force fields whenever he got near. Afterall that he had told her, had exposed to her. He had bared his soul to her and he _knew_ that Allura flew her better, everything was better without him, despite what his team mates said. He would be more useful using this mermaid thing than he ever would in Blue. He knew where Blue had stood when it had mattered and it was something he thought he would never quite accept. 

“But Blue did not have to do what she did. I know she ‘regrets’ it or whatever but she could have just told me. I thought we had bonded enough for that, I could hear her….” Lance’s voice trailed off and soon Hunk and Shiro were hugging him again as the sounds of light sobs filled the hangar. None of them knew the depths of Lance’s feelings about this, they knew Lance would hide his true feelings until the bitter end if he thought it was better for the team. Only Lance knew what he had done in that first week in space, when he’d pushed Coran out the way, no one need know, they had all just thought he’d been caught up in the blast, not taken the full blow. 

He soon shut himself up, pushing everything down as he normally did, put on a smile and apologised for being an idiot and walked out, but he missed the looks of concern that his friends gave each other. He ignored the worry of Red’s presence in his mind and he blocked out Blue completly weeks ago. He knew he'd have to talk with Blue soon but he couldn't face it, couldn't face her. He knew why she had done that now but, he hated the lack of trust from her. After all they went through. The late night training, the talks, the amount of bonding. He now just talked to himself and trained into the night, always when Keith was asleep in their room. 

Though the team had now learnt how Lance partially worked and functioned, they only saw the parts he wanted them to see. They would never see Lance, train hand to hand at night or what he did to improve his ranged combat, he now had a sniper rifle as well as a laser blaster but he couldn't care less, he was still light years behind in his opinion. Despite them trying to prove to him otherwise. Exhausted and wanting to be alone, he wandered around the castle to find a room away from everyone, curled up into a ball, and fell asleep.

 

Meanwhile, everyone else was furious at the situation that had been presented to them. None of them blamed Lance, and they had been trying their utmost to include Lance, tell him how valued he was and the actions to prove it. But it seemed like Lance had not shown or told them anything. They were only trying their best with what he showed. Lance wore all his feelings and his heart in his cheek, while the others were more free with their true emotions. The only other person who could rival Lance was Shiro, after all that he had faced it was only to be expected. 

But they were at a loss at what to do now, Hunk had told them to give Lance the space right now, as pushing him would only make the situation worse. 

“So what do we do?” Asked Allura.

“I have no idea. We probably should test Lance’s limitations with this, but this rift with Blue needs to be fixed, we can feel it in the Voltron bond. He genuinely believes you are better for Blue Princess.” Shiro replied with. 

“I only got that far because of my bond with all the lions, but I can see how this would have affected Lance, I tried to talk with him and he seemed ok. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought.”

“None of us do apparently,” Hunk murmured bitterly. He hated how he had missed this but he knew Lance, and he knew how far Lance could go to hide his true feelings, particularly about himself. 

He looked over to Keith and saw the devastation in his face, he knew they were close, even outside of their relationship together. Keith had trusted Lance with everything, and it must have hurt to know it wasn't reciprocated as much. But that was how Lance was, and Hunk could tell when it had gotten worse after getting so much better. And it was because of Blue, he sighed and decided to speak up.

“But we need to ensure Blue knows what she has done. Lance loved Blue and would have defended her to the ends of the universe. We need them to get talking again, whilst figuring what the hell Lance’s DNA is and this problem with Corzia.” 

“I agree, we should probably leave it here it's getting late.” Added Shiro and everyone then started to wander off and Keith went off to find Lance. 

Finding Lance could be like finding a needle in a haystack, he had too many bolt holes and he could out think them all when he wanted to. Lance was a people person and he knew them all too well to be caught. So Keith went to their room and started to polish his knife, Lance would turn up he had exhausted himself out. Lance would always put up a brave front but there was only so much he could take and his ambivert tendencies kicked in. Lance was self-sacrificial and the last person he would take care of. The entire team were trying to make sure he was cared for by all of them but now Keith thought about it, Lance did have a point. They could use this to their advantage and maybe, Allura was more suited for Blue. None of them could deny how quickly Blue had taken to Allura. But Lance definitely would need to talk to Blue and the sooner the better. 

_I will personally ensure that Blue knows exactly how furious we are. Nobody hurts my boys._ Red’s fury coursed through Keith and flared with his own. It had taken too long for Lance to feel comfortable amongst them and he was not gonna let him take any steps backward. Any step forward, no matter how small was good. For Lance, for Keith, for everyone. 

He kept polishing and sharpening the luxite blade at its full extent till the door to their room opened up and a tired and exhausted Lance stepped into the room. Placing his blade down he embraced Lance and pulled him down into their bed. With Lance hugging his waist and nestled between his legs, Keith pulled him in closer, fingers running through his hair and letting Lance fall asleep. Other than kissing him and never letting go, there was nothing Keith wanted to do than make sure Lance was wanted and reassured. Despite his stoic appearance, he really did care deeply and fully for anyone he felt comfortable around. 

Fairly quickly, Keith heard the soft snores and it lulled himself to sleep.

Deep in the hangars, all the lions were in an argument. Red was defending her boys to the death with Blue and Greens backing. Blue was holding her own against them but Black was being on the fence when it wasn't appropriate. It was getting hard for Red to control herself as she lashed out Blue verbally.

 _You left him! After all he did for you! Showed to you. You left him high and dry. Do you KNow How hard it was to be piloted by someone who is so damn tentative in their bond? You hurt him so much in a way that you KNEW would hurt him the most. I spoke to my paladin before leaving and kept the bond open so he wouldn't be alone! YOU LEFT HIM!!!!_ Red raged at Blue, she had said it before but now was a breaking point. She had felt Lance in their bond and she refused to let it lie again to such an extent. This was being fixed right now.

_Don't you think I know that? He refuses to even let the bond be open, it's only enough to fly, I miss him and I realise my way was bad but I needed that! Allura’s Altean and has a bond with all of us, we needed her to be strong, the only way was that!_

_That doesn't mean you had to shut him up. You put up a damn particle barrier, you know the thing we use to protect ourselves. You made him the enemy Blue. Why don't you get it?_

_Red, why don't you calm down, I’m sure Blue had her reasons. Three of us have lost paladins here but we move forward._ Black tried to reason, but was answered with growls from Green and yellow and anger from Red.

 _Black, you don't get to tell me what to do and how to feel. I can feel his pain and anguish and I won't let that stand. You don't get to be impartial here. Blue needs to see how much she’s messed with one of our own._ Red snarled back then leapt for Blue, pinning her down with Red’s jaw clamped around Blue’s neck and ensuring that Blue couldn't move while she let loose all of Lance and Red’s shared memories from their times flying together and the reluctant bonding that Lance initiated. The bonding that grew with Red. Once Red had saw what was running through Lance’s head, she had sworn to protect him and care for him. 

Thought and feelings and memories passed through Red and to Blue and the rest of the lions could feel the residue emotions that hung in the air. Soon enough Red let go of Blue and stalked off from the shared hangar into her personal one. The rest of the lions stood in silence and looked on as the gouges on the floor marked what had occurred. Green and Yellow soon followed Red’s example and left with their own comments towards Blue. Blue, after feeling and seeing everything just hung her head and walked back into her own hangar. Lance wouldn't let Blue back in and could only just fly her while not allowing their bond to be open. Blue had a lot to make up for and she hoped that one day, Lance would be able to let her back in just enough for her to beg for forgiveness. She had hurt him in such a way, she knew it would be a long shot if she was ever offered the chance. 

 

When Lance awoke, he was in Keiths arms. They didn't spend all their time together but their nights were a thing, they weren't codependent by any means but they did find comfort in each other in the dead of night and the first to be sought out by this point. Hunk was still Lance’s go to guy for homesickness and the few things he couldn't explain well to Keith, as was Shiro for Keith. The rest of the team had also lent their shoulders and he was learning to lean on them too, the way they leaned on him. 

He wondered why he had woken so early but then he felt the buzzing in his veins, like they were being watched. He felt a wave of something rush over him and he climbed out of Keiths grip and made his way up to the command deck and was shocked to see Allura, Shiro and Pidge all staring out the window, seemingly at nothing. There was just the nebulas on the screen, but the waves of something still ran through his blood. He was even more confused when the rest of current residents of the castle came to join them. He then saw Shiro start to move towards the door. 

“Shiro! Whats happening? Shiro?!” Lance yelled after him

“I need to get to them, Miyuki’s there, I need to save her.” Shiro murmured as he walked to the nearest airlock. It was like Shiro was in a trance or something. Why is it always airlocks. Why is it always me? Lance thought to himself. He tried to guide Shiro way and into a supposed broom cupboard and locked it. He could only hope that no one else had started to leave the deck heading for the airlocks.

On his return he saw a screen pulled up, what usually happened when another ship hailed them and he saw something on the screen but he couldn't tell what. Most of them were transfixed and others trying to find ways out. He hurried over to Keith and shook him.

“Keith, Keith! What's happening? Whys the screen up?” 

“Youre out there I need to get to you. I can't let you go….”

Whatever that thing was was messing with their minds so why wasn't he affected? Then a voice started to crackle over the communications systems, being used in all that they had in the castle. 

“Bring us the Neach-fànais and we will leave. If not, you will all die.” It was croaky as if not used to English sounds or any human language. Like the vocal chords weren't used to the noises it was being forced to make. It sent shivers down his spine and he had two options, let them die or figure what the fuck he was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CANT WRITE SHORT THINGS WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!!!
> 
> Thanks for giving this a chance and i appreciate every view, kudo and comment!!!! You guys are awesome!!!


	2. I Am Everything That's Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance holds his own, Supportive team bonding and LANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lat update? what? Life had got in the way, overtime at work and just general shittiness. Also changed the name because it fit better, though the old title will now be a chapter title.
> 
> Ive been working on this chapter and the next chapter of the Irony of it all. Especially as i need to be in a certain mind place for than one, which i just havent. its one where i go to when i really need to cheer myself up and relive some good times and a bit of a vent fic? i love all the fics i write just some take longer. 
> 
> but enjoy?
> 
> Gaelic pronunciation
> 
> Gaelic - Ga-lig  
> Lanark - Lan-ark  
> Latha - Lay-Tha  
> Neach-fànais - N-ache - fah-ese

Lance could feel the panic rising up in him, he was clearly the only one affected, even Pidge was trying to get out of the control deck yelling something about their family. Others were talking about their loved ones, Keith was trying to get to him despite being right in front of him. 

The voice then came through the tannoy system this time, shocking him to his very core. It was like the castle being corrupted all over again. He could feel his heartbeat yelling at him to run for survival but he stood still not dating to move. 

“Bring him to me. Bring the Neach-fànais. He will know what to do.” 

Lance scrambled to the podium where he brought up the screams but the scanners and visuals brought nothing. He thought back to his own escape from the castle only a few vargas before, how they couldn't find him on any of the scanners. There was no choice for it, he’d have to go out himself. 

He scrambled to one of the pods and ejected himself out into space, the pod was small enough to use an altean version of reinforced glass over a holoscreen and what he saw astounded him, there was what only could be described as a space merperson, larger than the castle ship itself and the glowing green eyes landing on him. He felt the lump in his throat grow but he had to protect his family. The Blades and all on the ship. The comms system in the pod sparked into life as the voice came through.

“Don't think you can escape me.” A hand could be seen coming at him, it was just as fast as if they were Lance sized and he yelled in fear.

“I think it's me, I'm the only one not affected” 

“Then why don't you meet me like a true Neach-fànais.”

“Only if you let my friends go. I'm here aren't I? Keep your promise or you face me,” Lance immediately regretted that threat he had no idea what he could do but then again nor did that creature. 

“No,” they sneered, it's raspy voice full of hatred and glee.

“Release them or I walk away so that you will never find me again.”

That had their attention, and their eyes narrowed at him and he heard an achingly familiar voice over the comms,

“Lance! Lance!” Keith was yelling for him “What are you doing?” 

“Saving you - look it's a merperson creature thing and you can only see it in person not through anything that relies on tech. I think it came for me…” His voice trailed into silence. 

“Lance, if you think we are leaving you, you have another thing coming, we are all coming out.” Agreement could be heard after Shiro’s voice and scrambling followed their voices. He let out a sigh and hoped that the creature would hear him. 

“I'm coming out.” He took off whatever he would be able to save and opened the door to the pod and let himself drift out into the void. He felt his bones shift and everything extend and the pain burning through him as his entire physiology changed, the only thing remaining constant was the soul inside his body.

He came face to face with the mer creature and found he was only three quarters of the size of the other. He was vastly outgunned but he would rather die than see his friends dead. 

_“You will come with me. You are ours.”_

Lance had no idea how he heard the mer creature but he didn't care he was no one's but his own. Part of him belong with Keith, his families, but he gave it to them. This person or whatever didn't have any claim on him whatsoever. 

_“I am no one’s. I am my own.”_ he had no idea if he would be heard but he damn well was going to let this thing take him. He was where he belonged, it had taken him a while to see it and feel it but he was. Despite the circumstances and the war, he had found a second home. 

As he spoke that, the lions came to flank him, including Blue and he assumed that Allura was flying her and in that moment he didn't care quite as much as he could of, her support meant more. They all had their tails ready to fire at even the slightest indication that Lance would be harmed. Electricity crackled all around them with Lance as its source, where he wasn't blue or purple he was grey and he looked like a thunderstorm. 

It had taken the merperson by surprise too, as they hesitated and pulled away slightly, clearly terrified of the force that was Lance. Even the lions had backed away slightly, Lance wasn't one who was quick to anger, and always played the long game. But this was on another level. It radiated off of him and he was so done with this person that he would probably do pretty much anything to be rid of them. 

“I am here now go. Unless you have anything else to say, and be _very_ careful about what and how you say it,” Lance sneered, too many of his own had been almost died and he would not let them anywhere near them again. 

“We heard the call and we came for our own. We lost someone very dear to us once and we vowed never again. My name is Lanark of the Latha clan of the Neach-fànais. There was a call full of sorrow and pain and I came. We do not leave our own to suffer, but it appears i have caused more pain...”

“Is that what I am? A Neach-fànais?”

“Yes, we are far and few between but we still exist.” 

Lance had calmed down and the lightning that had surrounded him fizzled out. 

“Lanark? What am I?”

 

Keith’s heart broke for Lance, there was such sorrow and pain in his voice over the comms, he had no idea how they were able to hear them over their general communication lines but they were hearing everything. Blade ships had come behind the lions supporting them. Tensions between them had been high but Lance had been the one to break it, becoming friends with most of them, especially Kolivan, who had lost so many but had still managed to become friendly with the Blue Paladin and then everyone else by extension. 

There were no further noises from the comms lines and he couldn't see what was happening in Red, her sensors unable to pick up what was happening. 

“Keith, be careful ok?” came Shiro’s voice in their private line.

“Always Shiro.” He opened the cockpit up and flew up to Lance, landed on his shoulder and offered his presence. 

“Lance, why don't you come with me and you can learn about all this, leave all this behind and you can be who you were born to be,”

“I already am where I'm meant to be, my family, my friends, they're all here. I want to know this but I can't leave them I need them. There's a damn war going on! People are relying on me, on us. I can't leave that all behind.”

Keith tried to hug Lance, even if it was just a small part of his neck, he hadn't noticed the rest of them join him, clinging on to whatever they could of Lance. They all loved him too much to just let him go but if it was what was best for Lance, they would. 

“I won't leave them. If you want me, then we _all_ come with you no exceptions. It already seems like you can communicate with the ship and us.”

Keith felt his heart soar, that Lance wasn't giving up on them, not that it had been a definite but it could have been a future that occurred. He saw Shiro motion for them to go back to their lions so Lance could safely shift upon reentry into an atmosphere that had some oxygen. 

“I’ll see you later ok?” Keith hoped Lance could hear him and flew back to Red. Hunk the flew up to Lance and beckoned him off to a planet. They had decided that Hunk would be the best person this time round after they had come to and released Shiro from the broom cupboard. Keith knew he wouldn't be able to comfort Lance in the same way Hunk could and more than gratefully gave them space, Lance’s happiness and well being was all that mattered at this point. They would all be there for him in the way he had be there for them. 

 

Lance found shifting ridiculously painful this time round, maybe it was due to the atmosphere but either way Pidge would have a field day and he would not be a guinea pig for them. Hunk had picked him up and given him pain killers and they were floating in the eye of a permanent non moving storm, safe and sound. It was just them and the rush of winds and neon rain outside. 

Hunk really did give the best hugs in times like these. Lance felt lost and confused, he most definitely wasn't all human, the merperson - Lanark - had confirmed it. He had confirmed Lance’s worst fears and all he wanted to be was home, with his family, safe in their arms and having nothing to do with space or all this weirdness. But alas, life had not let him have that but Hunk was more than enough. 

“We’ll work this out. This doesn't change how we think of you or you being the Blue Paladin. Allura had to fight Blue to allow her in, only when it was your safety did Blue relent. We still want you on the ship and honestly? I was so scared for a minute, Lanark made me think you were out there, with my family. I couldn't stand losing you. You were there when no one else was and even though I may not have agreed with some of the pranks, I never had so much fun in hindsight.”

Hunks deep voice was helping to calm him down but he still felt vaguely nauseous, not from shifting but from the conversation. It turns out he was closer to leaving everything than he had originally thought. He had no idea what terrified him more, going with Lanark or not going with him at all. 

“Thanks Hunk,” he said as he was pulled deeper into a hug on the cockpit floor, “I want to know, I feel like I need to but? Is it really what I want? What if it's something I don't want to find out? We probably should have checked whether or not he’s working with the galra. Also why is there Scottish Gaelic being spoken? Like out of all the languages in the universe why that one?” 

Hunk softly laughed at the small rant went on and Lance soon joined in, it was familiarity and a bit of home on Earth. There were no two people he would have chosen more to be sent into space those years ago. Pidge and Hunk had been his bed rock up here, and though Lance had lost track of how long he and Keith had been in a relationship, let alone exactly when heated arguing had changed into friendly banter and mutual pining. 

“I have no idea, well at least we know it's probably a parent or grandparent, genetically speaking. Pidge did some weird space dna thing. You know what they're like, remember they tried to see if Iverson was indeed related to a goat?” 

“Or that time they tried to program the Garrison systems to rick roll Iverson. Shall we call Pidge?” 

Hunk pulled up a private lien to Pidge's lab and both looked to Pidge’s tired and fed up face. Lance looked at Hunk and back to Pidge.

“Hey pigeon, did you hear that the Mamora scientist have discovered a new molecule? They named it AHH the element of surprise!” Hunk burst out laughing at Lance’s joke, though a small smile played across Pidge’s face, their reply was less than impressed. 

“You know for that to work it be ‘ah’ rather than a scream?” 

“You still love us,”

“I’m starting to wonder why after that joke,” They monotoned sarcastically but smiled widely, “but it's true, I love my goof ball and personal chef.” 

“Hey! Without us you’d have died a long time ago. Either from starving -”

“- Or sleep deprivation,” added Hunk, smiling along with Lance.

“You coming back soon? I want to spend time with the best brother.” Pidge smiled and though they rarely showed how much they loved him, they made sure to remind him at any moment. 

“Soon, my little pigeon, make sure Allura and Shiro question Lanark, something doesn't sit right, then if we decide to follow him, we are having a movie night. Us, the Blades and anyone on the castle. Anything as long as it's not one of those Altean or Galran ones they keep trying to play. They never make any sense!!! Never thought I’d miss disney movies this much.” 

Lance was looking forward to it, Hunk and himself still had to get back to the ship though Hunk was flying through Yellow’s eyes, neither wanted to leave each other and were talking of their lives back on Earth, their families and letting out all of the pain that had been building since their last chat. Before movie night, they had decided to bake together while Shiro attempted to help them. They last time Shiro had been trusted with any form of cooking he had burnt water, caused three fires and caused Slav to avoid the kitchen for weeks. Not long after nominating Shiro as a taste taster, Pidge joined them with their laptop and sat next to Shiro and showed him some of the videos they had managed to collect from Earth. 

They had been working to receive signals but was struggling to find a way to send any back, but they had all been enjoying seeing the videos from Earth. None of them wanted to delve deeper than videos and music, they didn't want to know what their families had been told. Not yet at least. When Hunk and Lance were finished and approved by their two testers, they grabbed whoever wanted to attend a movie night and decided to watch Hot Fuzz. 

 

Keith had been forced to watch this movie way too often, it was a go to film when any of them were down. The reactions from most of the inhabitants of the castle were also worth it. Matt had originally protested Pidge watching it, but was beaten into submission with logic and a larger pillow in the ensuing pillow fight. 

They got comfy as Pidge pulled up the screen and Coran pulled up a smaller one to work a program to have a search for anything to do with the Neach-fànais and for comparisons of the transcripts. Allura had asked whether Lance wanted to know anything but they had all decided to relax and rest. Lanark seemed to be waiting on them and would probably not allow any harm to come to Lance. 

As the final scenes played out on the screen most of the people watching the film dispersed but they left team, including Kuro in the common room, asleep in a massive pile, blissfully ignoring the completed comparisons that demanded their attention.

 

They awoke the next morning, scrubbed up and ate. They called a meeting and all the leaders as well as the full team assembled to work out what they would do. The Blades, Shay and Ryner were the only ones that turned up to it but they were all there to discuss the coalition anyway. They gathered around the table and Lance told them what Lanark had said to him. 

“So, that's it really. I don't mind about going with him or not. The only way I would is if I have the team with me at least. I'm not leaving my family again.” 

Keith's heart almost exploded when he confirmed that they were family again. 

“Well the comparisons only show a certain amount of things and it's very sparse at best. All there is is missing ships that just were found empty. No signs of damage, just like the crews just walked out.” Allura stated, bringing up images on holos. There were the ships just hanging in space, completely dead or just abandoned. 

“That makes sense, when Lanark was trying to find me on the ship, all of you were sort of trance like. I had to lock Shiro in that broom cupboard because he was trying to get into space with like, no safety at all -”

Shiro was spluttering, “It was you who locked me in there! Lance!!”

Lance then had the audacity to laugh back at him, “It was the only thing I could think of, it was like Lanark was just toying and pulling strings. He wanted to kill you,” his voice had turned mournful. 

“They maybe more like the mermaid myth we have on Earth than we thought, or at least a miss mash of them. Enthralling us with some form or another, the literal tails and stuff. The fact that Lance can emit lightning and change when exposed to a natural environment. And I've done research into their name. Its closest language is Scottish Gaelic. It translates to space maker. A person of space. For all intents and purposes they might as well be space merpeople.” Matt concluded.

He had a point Keith conceded, but he wondered how Lance was dealing. 

“I think we should go with him, I'll be out there but you will be safe, I'll make sure of it. We can use this, we can use me.” 

“Lance, you are a person not a weapon, we do not see you that way. This doesn't change a thing. We go if you want to, not because it's a duty you think you have. You are a paladin of Voltron. You were chosen for this, not to go be a poncy fish,” Allura firmly told Lance and Keith was glad she did. Lance seemed to never be able to let go of the idea that he was somewhat ineffective as a paladin. Keith squeezed Lance’s hand and tried to make sure all the reassurance in the universe was sent his way. 

“I still want to go. If it means I can learn some control and even get them on our side, then I'll go. There was nothing on the systems about aiding the Galra or anything that could hint at that?” Kuro and Coran both shook their heads, “Then we go. Lanark said he’ll check in today. Can I be excused?” 

Allura nodded and Lance got up and left the room. 

“I hate to talk about this behind Lance’s back, but we need your advice on this, I don't want to rush into this woefully underprepared if the worst were to happen,”

“Lance is a friend to many of us blades, myself included. He has never treated us any better or worse than he does you, whatever you decide we will go with you. You also have our advice if you want it.” Kolivan assured them, and Keith felt the sincerity. The first time Lance had convinced Kolivan to join them was vaguely intimidating but ended in hysterics as he proceeded to beat them in what seemed to be alien monopoly. 

Shay’s Balmera and the Olkari started to offer their own thoughts, but Keith's mind was elsewhere. 

“You can go to him if it makes you feel any better, and it would help me to like, Lance shouldn't have to deal with this alone, you know that more than anyone,” Shiro whispered over to Keith, who gratefully nodded and slipped out the room. 

Surprisingly Lance wasn't hard to find for once. He felt a pull that he couldn't quite explain and wandered down corridor after corridor. Following a pull that felt like no other, that felt like belonging and all the things he had ever craved and wanted, it spoke of all the things he ever cared about. It whispered to him that was where Lance was. So he followed and hoped that wherever it lead, it would give him everything he had ever wanted without the consequences. 

 

Lance didn't know what he felt so he did whatever he did when everything got to much, he escaped and he dang. He may not have been the best in his family, that went to his youngest sister, by three minutes she would tell anyone that used it against her, but he could hold a tune and he thought he could at least sing somethings. He had always been able to memorise songs and tunes easily, and though he may not have been the best singer, he could at least play his two instruments well. Though, alas, clarinets and pianos did not exist in space, or on other planets. The clarinet he could understand. Most woodwind instruments were complicated but a piano? He signed and learnt that singing was the only way he could let go. He usually sang away from everyone in the dead of night where no one could hear him. It was a private thing for him, the last bit of home that he had now. Everything else: his original hoodie, top and jeans were long gone, so all he had was the music library in his mind. 

He felt like shit and only certain songs did he feel like singing, they were self decipretating but they had seen him through the worst times and would again. They let him voice his sadness and fears in a way nothing else would. He’d been long overdue for something like this anyway. The lyrics just poured out of his mouth and he let his emotions flow and be released out into the open for all, in this case no one bar himself to see. 

We make the sun shine, we make come on  
Move with me. Move with me.  
Move with me. Move with me.

Don't you think I could tell that you were trying to, trying to  
Make a fool out of me.  
A fool out of me.  
Don't you think I could tell that you were trying to, trying to  
Make a fool out of me.  
A fool out of me.  
To remember who you really are.  
It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present  
Whatever face you believe a person wants to see rather than your own.  
Yet we hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities  
Move with me. Move with me.  
Only the ones we are most comfortable relinquishing  
Move with me. Move with me.

Lance couldn't tell when he had started to cry but he had, curled up into a tight ball, self soothing and trying to piece together the bits that had fallen apart. His life had been turned up again, just when he’d found a rhythm. 

Don't you think I could tell that you were trying to, trying to  
Make a fool out of me.  
A fool out of me.  
Don't you think I could tell that you were trying to, trying to  
Make a fool out of me.  
A fool out of me.  
Such a paradox,  
Isn't it, isn't it?  
Isn't it, isn't it? 

 

One song merged into another and it was leaving Lance more tired but lighter than he had been since the incidents with the Corzians. 

 

I'm not the one that you want, I'll only let you down.  
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.  
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for my...'  
I think it's every time I walk into a room  
a silence so sudden that I seem to hear it  
Smiles turn to frowns  
Contact saying that you are the rain on their parade.  
And how long could you hang on to a word?  
Tell me, how long could you hang on to a word?  
I'm not the one that you want, I'll only let you down.  
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.  
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for myself'  
Or maybe it's all eyes on him  
in love with ego and intention  
the eyes that are just begging me for more.  
This is gone and I can see it  
your head is full of words,  
full of words that don't mean anything.  
And how long could you hang on to a word?  
Tell me, how long could you hang on to a word?  
I'm not the one that you want, I'll always let you down.  
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.  
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for myself  
I'm not the one that you want, I'll always let you down.  
And I'm pretty sure that you've caught on.  
And you can say that 'Oh, I'm just feeling sorry for myself'  
If that's how you feel, then what's there to do?  
I'll keep this feeling in my heart  
but when you look in my eyes, you will know the truth.

 

When the last notes that hung in the air vanished, Lance opened his eyes and saw that he had an audience. A small, one person audience, but an audience all the same. Sad eyes met his but there was something about them, glazed and like the time Lanark had Keith under his control. It soon faded but it freaked Lance the fuck out. He grabbed Keith and pulled him in for a hug, murmuring apology after apology into his shoulder. Keith looked baffled but accepted them and dragged them to their room. Once on their bed, Lance heald Keith close while hands ran through his hair and fell asleep.

 

On the command deck, Allura spoke with Lanark, and it only just ended without bloodshed. 

“He is in no state to talk right now, but he has accepted under the explicit condition we all go with him.”

“He is ours. He is Neach-fànais. He is -”

“His own person and you will do well to remember that. Do not underestimate us, and especially, do not underestimate _our_ Lance.”

“Very well, but do not expect a warm welcome.”

Allura sighed in relief once the screens flickered off, they were to leave at the end of the day and would have been more than happy to be done with them like the Balmerans had suggested. But Lance deserved to know, deserved to have access to this part of him and as much as she hated the idea of him becoming a living weapon, he did have a point...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both songs are by Chiodos - the first is A letter to Janelle, and th second Intensity in Ten Cities. and yeah my favourite band.. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around and reading guys!!!! Every comment, Kudo and read means a lot!!! <3 <3 <3


	3. Nocturne Opus Number Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finds himself in need of release from his feelings, Lanark is seen for who he is and Keith deals with a lot of angst. 
> 
> Just a very angsty chapter in all honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THIS IS GONNA BE AN ANGST FEST MWHAHAHAHAHAHA.
> 
> So yeah, life has been shit and i neglected this a bit but it will be updated more and finished, i know where im going with it and i want to see it through!!! but yeah life really has been shit and I know no-one really reads these but ehhhh i'll keep writing probably even if it is me shouting into the void. Im sorry if it felt like i abandoned this but i havent just took a bit of time finishing it. 
> 
> well enjoy i guess :)

It turned out, that they could not wormhole to where the Neach-fánais were located, they could get close but something was baring it from Allura's view. The only explain action she could find was that it was using a magic older than hers, and stronger. Altean Magic relied on using the natural quintessence that a person radiated or was at the very least sensitive to. This was something far stronger, and more than likely, deadlier. Keith couldn't help but think they were getting into something deeper than Lance trying to work out what the fuck was going on. It didn't sit right with him and even Lance was on tenterhooks with it all. Before departure, they had all agreed, at even the slightest hint of trouble they were out of there and would do anything to help keep Lance out of their radar. 

So here they all were, following Lanark as they stood on the command deck. Matt and Kolivan were there too, ready to give orders to their people. The Blades were on the lower decks preparing and the rebels that served under Matt were scouring through more years of history than there were books in the Castles rather infinite library. All looking for any information on the Neach-fánais or their abilities to little avail, bare mentions of shipwrecks that were perfectly fine just deserted and the air locks open.

There was a tension that sat on them all, they still had to sort out the mess they had to leave on Corzia, a full on civil war was brewing and there was something off about the whole thing. They had no idea which side was right or wrong and negotiations had failed, it was a mess and they had been forced to leave when they had tried to explain their situation due to heavy artillery fire. Corzia was still in the line of fire from the Galra and they promised to return. 

They all traveled in silence, milling around making checks, but they still had a few vargas to go. The silence was deafening to Keith so he grabbed Lance and took him to the training room. He wanted to be prepared and despite the years in space, close combat was still hard for Lance, but at least he was better than when they were first out in space. 

They fell into the rhythm drills gave them, neither of them holding back much, each using their strengths and their opponents weaknesses. Keith was fast true, but Lance was slippery as fuck, using the space rather than close quarters trying to make Keith over exert himself when he went in for an attack. They had few rules when they sparred and almost anything counted, it payed to play dirty when it was life or death. Saved their lives too many times to count and too many close calls for either one of them to be comfortable. 

Keith was so deep in his own internal brooding and angst that he didn't realise that Lance had swept his legs from under him. He had been relying on autopilot there for a while but it was all swept away when Lance flopped down beside him. 

“I don't even know how I’m not freaking out right now. Like, yeah Lance, so you know how your life isn't hard enough with the fate resting on your shoulders with eight other people? Lets add some world shaking information. How did you do it?”

Keith didn't know, he had the Blade of Mamora and though he was near death essentially he had Shiro there with him and Lance hadn't even batted an eyelid about it like the others had. He had only said that the only travesty was that his hair was still a mullet, but he had offered a hug and an ear. 

“I had you and Shiro in all honesty. I always had an inkling, I mean, I had a blade with no symbol that occurred on Earth and you know the small things that led up to it. I had a lead up, I wish I could help you more though,” Keith replied and he moved closer to Lance and held his hand as they stared up at the ceiling. 

“Maybe we should start a club, the ‘I’m not quite human club.” Shiro can join in too and Kuro. We meet daily to discuss how to take over the castle and Wednesdays we wear pink.”

Keith couldn't hold in his laughter. “Mean Girls really? That movie is soo old it's back in the last century! Quite literally,”

“And still a classic - see you still know it!” A smile was gracing Lance’s face, one that was reserved only for Keith, the others may see it but Keith knew it was for him and him alone. 

“Do you think that the Neach-fánais actually are just space mermaids? Like all earthy mermaid powers but just in space instead of water? Like all the powers and shit?”

“What? Alluring and dragging men to their deaths? With your flirting? Fuck no!”

“Hey!!! It worked on you!!”

“I’m a statistical outlier and therefore should not be counted.”

“Keith!!” Lance screeched back, “But do you think that it's kinda the same thing? I just have a bad feeling but also that going with Lanark is what we need to do. I’m stuck I guess.”

“Whatever will happen I’ll be standing with you keeping your back in battle. Hey, do you think if you shifted with your bayard, would it shift with you?”

“Huh, no idea, should probably try that out if we ever get it sorted that I don’t have to enter an atmosphere.”

“We have a Hunk, a Pidge, human stupidity and a Coran. I think we will be fine.” Keith said to Lance as he started to drag himself up from the floor, feeling how damp his back had become and starting to feel slightly gross. 

“Head to the showers?” 

Lance nodded and sprung up from the floor. 

They had made their way to the kitchen in the late evening and they were met with some good news since the initial attack on the Corzian ship. Pidge bound up to them dragging them over to the table where the rest of their team was sitting. They had grown their hair out and gotten an undercut at some point, and they were running their hand through it as they began to explain.

“We may have found a way for you to communicate with us when you go all little mermaid on us!”

Lance looked at Pidge to the team then to Keith and then back to Pidge. Usually when Pidge made experiments and adaptations they worked out but sometimes they didn't. He did not want to be a human guinea pig. 

“So you know what a babel fish is?”

Lance visibly blanched, he knew that they were part of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and really did not want a fish in his ear swimming round his brain. He told them as much.

“They don't exist don't be silly,” Lance shot Pidge a sceptical look, they were in damn space in an intergalactic war with species they wouldn't ever believe existed. “We used the same principle though, Allura magiced a small microchip which you can activate and read your thought waves when you want to direct it to us. It's like the mind hats mixed with a babel fish!”

“Pidge you're a genius but did you have to go with the babel fish?”

“Yes.”

“Of course what was I thinking, Pidge not being a sarcastic little shit?”

“You love us really numb nuts!” Lance ruffled their hair and held out his arm for the microchip to be inserted under his skin. He grimaced as it was inserted into his bloodstream to make its way to his brain despite it being microscopic. He knew he would have to get out there again but at least he could communicate with Keith now. He could still feel Red’s presence in his mind especially as he kept pushing Blue away. The switch really affected him despite him not showing it to anyone, he could put aside pettiness if it would save the universe and his friends. When he flew Blue it wasn't the same anymore. He loved Red too but she was different to Blue. He missed what they used to have but the betrayal hurt. Not even a goodbye. 

Maybe it was better this way, he thought. They could utilise him in battle and let Allura have Blue back. She obviously did better with Blue, being better at bonding with her and unlocking everything. He didn’t want to hear Blues words and thoughts in his mind anymore as he couldn’t trust her. It would be what's best for the team, being that big as well would and being that huge would mean he’d be harder to take down. He’d have to talk to them about it later. 

He hadn't really noticed that he had walked away from everyone while he was lost in his thoughts, though it was for the best, he wanted to be alone right now and process everything and rethink what the hell his life was. He needed to stop with all the angst, it was driving him crazy. He ducked into a room and made sure to lock the door. He looked around the dimly lit room and noticed there was an instrument that looked like a piano, he pressed down on some of the keys and the notes rang true so he sat down, letting the notes flow through his fingers and into the air. 

He couldn't sing all that well but he could play. So there he was sat in a dim room full of heavy velvet curtains and it was so easy to lose himself in the music as he used to once upon a time. He could imagine there being candle light surrounding him as he played to no one but himself in the endless dark. It was hard being in space without music, it used to be what grounded him and kept him going. He had learnt pretty quickly that it wouldn't be an option anymore but he allowed himself to indulge. 

He had started to play Chopin’s nocturnes, songs for the darkest of nights and the starlight that shone and to the dust that settled everywhere. It was music so beautiful that the first time he heard nocturne no. 2 he cried, it made him feel what music should be and it connected with him. It stayed within his soul and he dearly hoped that he could find some peace. He felt like he was calling to all other lost souls to join in his lament and a cry for something hopeful. 

It was a matter of time before someone found him but it surprised him who it was. He had expect anyone of the team, but somehow Kuro and Kolivan had been drawn to him. 

“Please don't stop,” Kolivan begged when Lance noticed them mid bar, “It was nice, sad but nice.”

So he did, fingers moving over the keys as he poured his hopelessness and sense of loss of identity into the pieces. No one else turned up but the two who had were drawn closer to Lance until they were sort of trance like when he started to play the moonlight sonata. 

The last notes hung in the air like words left unsaid and he turned to the others and gave them a questioning look as they waited on Lance. They looked like they would do anything he told them to, even end their lives. The realisation of how mortal they all were dawned on him and he cried. 

“I almost died,” he sobbed, the tears falling fast and unrelenting in their journey down his face. “I know any of us could and so many times I was almost fatally injured but I never had to think about it. I thought about dying and I was fucking ready to. I had accepted it.”

The two others snapped out when he started to speak and sat opposite Lance, understanding on their faces. Maybe it was a good thing that they were there.

“I lose so many blades every missions. There was a reason we were reluctant to help, it would be more death, more loss and now I’m losing all my friends. I lost Antok, and so many yet I remember every name. I feel like I’m failing them and their memories, doomed to keep making the same mistakes.

“Lance you gave me hope back when you defended me against planets and I try but I feel that I’m failing and I’m on borrowed time.” Kolivance started to no-one in particular but glanced over to Lance. He thought they all needed to bare their souls to people who felt similarly and who wouldn't judge in a million years. Maybe that was why he called them here. 

“I found out my entire existence was a lie and I was just something the galra thought they could control. You know how I fought it and how can I ever be sure of anything anymore? Maybe it would have been better if you guys had cast me out into space, I feel not necessary and just a replacement in waiting. Expendable. Lance never stopped treating me with respect at all and he makes the time seem a bit brighter, a little less dark. We’re here for you Lance,” Kuro looked down at Lance’s crumpled form, offering a hand on his shoulder in comfort. 

“Thank you,” Lance murmured through silent tears, “How did you guys find me?”

The others looked at each other and shrugged.

“It felt like I was being pulled by something, a prayer no one would answer and I wanted to do something. So I followed the pull and here I am,” replied Kuro, deep in thought.

“I felt the same too, maybe not in the same way because I heard a call of someone who was lost and in need of a guide but I followed it. Do you think this could be something about your heritage Lance?”

“Probably, back on earth mermaids were known to lure men to their deaths but convincing them to follow them into the water. Either with songs, beauty or giving them something they wanted to hear. I guess so?” Lance fell silent as he considered their words and his own feelings when he played. Maybe this was his sirens call so to speak, his emotions and commands and his intent in his music laid bare for all to see and helplessly follow. 

“Can I ask you two a question?” They both nodded so he carried own, the words stumbling and uneasy when they left him. “I don't trust the Neach-fánais, there is something off. I don't know if it was luck or planning but I don't know, should I go to them but seem oblivious or do I outright refuse and lose knowledge about something that could save my life? I know I’ve already agreed but something really doesn't sit right and I’m not sure whether to keep going.”

Kolivan looked deep in thought when he spoke up, “I think it would be best to go with what your instincts tell you, Red allowed you in for that and you need instincts for strategy, your team really don't use you enough, I’ve seen how you train and I can help with hand to hand any time. Keith may be good but another perspective is always good.”

“I agree, you need to know what's going on for you too, know the risks and ask is the risk worth the pay off.” Kuro added and pulled Lance in for a light hug.

“That’s the issue, I don't know where I am anymore. I don't feel like the Blue paladin or the Red one. My bond with Blue feels like it was broken when she shut me out. Keith got a good bye, I just got a shove out and an empty mind. I didn't even feel her leave it was just quiet! She betrayed my trust, she knew what that would do. All i wanted was at least a good bye, some closure. 

“Then she was working better than ever with Allura and Keith adores Red and she adores him. Now I’m back with Blue but I can't trust her, I may forgive but I can't forget. If someone can do something once they can do it again, I don't want to be hurt again. Maybe it's better if I can learn what I can so I can help in the way you guys do.” And it hurt to say it, made even more real than it already was but it was a weight of his heart that had been crushing it. Lance felt like he could have at least one easy breath. 

“Lance, fuck Allura and Blue. Has Blue tried to apologise.” Kuro said and he held Lance’s gaze.

“Yes, but-”

“-No buts. There must have been a reason for the clean break right?” Kolivan interrupted, and Lance wasn't sure what he would hear next. 

“She said it was the easiest way for her to allow for a new pilot, that Red wanted me while Keith was in Black. She thought I’d be glad to be back with her. Which I am sorta but the lack of her in my mind hurt, it was a vast emptiness and it hurt physically too. Red filled the space but now i have two lions in there and I don't know anymore.”

“Now I see the issue. You need to take this bit to the lions themselves, they have a lot to answer for. But Blue does care for you, she refuses anyone else near her but you now. You may not forget but remember that she did what she thought was best, even if the execution of it was bad, the intention was good.”

“You’re right,” Lance said as he let Kolivan’s words set in and saw that maybe he had just been more than a bit unfair to Blue, even if it was justified a bit. “Thank you, though, I didn't mean to get you here but thanks.”

“I think we both need to say the same to you. It feels better now that somethings have been said. Though it may be wise if we didn't say what we did in front of the others, I don't think they’d understand right now.” Kuro asked, Lance and Kolivan quickly agreed and they made their way through the early morning castle light to their rooms. 

Keith knew Lance needed his space and retired to their room after he had talked to the others a bit. He knew there was stuff that was left unsaid but Lance was Lance, and Keith loved him for who he was even if it was infuriating at times. He wanted to help but he didn't know how, so he would let Lance come to him. 

He was struggling to fall asleep without Lance’s warmth beside him but it did. Somewhere between waking and sleep, he thought he heard the door swish open but couldn't remember. His sleep was troubled and nightmares soon followed and he felt the pain as some of his galran features pushed through in an attempt to protect him from danger. Though it was useless trying to protect him from himself. They all had nightmares now. They had been fighting for too long and they had been forced to grow up too fast. 

He felt claws scraping his skin, his own claws and his eyes saw more in the dark as he work. He started to relax when he saw that Lance was next to him and he crawled into his lap and felt Lance’s fingers run through his hair and scratch the furry ears that must have appeared. Though this time there was a small humming. Something soft and oh so soothing, he was drawn to it, he wanted to be calm, he wanted to submit to the music and just be. The pain he would normally feel was dulled down to a minor inconvenience. So he did submit to it and he felt somewhat at peace.

When he woke again, Keith was still in Lance’s arms and somehow he felt at peace, like there was nothing beyond the duvet and Lance's arms that were wrapped around him, holding him close. The slow rise and fall of Lace’s chest was the only indication that Lance was asleep but he lacked the serene look he usually had. Keith wiggled out of his grip and walked out to their bathroom, Lance’s alarm clock would be going off soon and he really felt the need for a shower. 

When he left the bathroom, Lance was gone and he assumed he would be at breakfast and made his way there, but there wasn’t anyone there. He thought that they might have been an announcement but he didn't hear any of the normal sirens that alerted them or Allura yelling over the comms. He wondered up to the bridge in the vague hope that they would be there.

As he drew near he heard raised voices, Lance’s voice mixed with Allura’s and that strange croon that filled his mind, made it hazy and off putting. He knew he should be there and listen but something at the back of his mind made him hang back.

“Of course they'd live in a nebula near a damn black hole in the middle of deep space. Why is nothing ever simple anymore.”

“You promised to be here. You belong with us not those weaklings especially not _him_ you don't know our ways or how to even be one of us.”

“As he has said multiple times he is his own and you do not decide for him.”

“We are approaching. Send him out.”

Lance must have known how close they were and not told him and it hurt. He thought that they were past that point of keeping secrets, especially like this. He started to hear Lance's voice again and did what he did best and ran. Lance wouldn't just have left him unless he was going for a clean break. After all they had been through together, wasn't he worth more than that? He felt tears form and he holed himself away in his old room. No one would look for him there. He couldn't even be mad at Lance for wanting a clean break as much as he wanted to be, people always left.

 

Lance had been called to the bridge by Allura mere moments after he had awoken and he was in no state to see the face of Lanark. He wasn't going to lie and say everything was fine because it really wasn't. He had just found out they were close and he'd have to be away from everyone. 

“Allura, something doesn't feel right. It's all too convenient. It feels wrong.”

“We’ll be here and you have direct access to our comms and we can monitor too. The castle will be right by you, we all will.”

Lance moved to hug Allura and pulled her in. She was so much like his older sister and he was grateful for standing by him. They walked to an air lock and Lance looked back as he felt himself be pulled out as the air escaped. 

He felt his body changing and barely registered the pain, his own feelings hurt more. He hoped the chip would work and sent a quick apology to Keith. He hadn't meant to leave him but he had to ensure they would be safe, even if it meant leaving them. Even if it was not physically being there in the castle. 

He swam, if he could call it that, out towards Lanark. He had forgotten how much bigger the other Neach-fánais was, and he certainly didn't like the look he wore whenever he so much as glanced towards Lance. He felt electricity crackle under his skin and tried his best to contain it. He didn't know himself what he was capable of and he certainly didn't want Lanark to know. 

He silently followed with the castle at his side as they approached a very dense nebula. Full of pinks and purples, with spatterings of reds and blues. The starts of stars and planets surrounded them and he could see vague silhouettes of people in between the dust. They were coming out to meet them and Lanark seemed to light up, especially when a younger one came out to hug him. He ruffled her hair and kissed her forehead. He assumed they must have been a sibling.

“How far?” he asked Lanark, just about getting the hang on how to communicate in space.  
“Not far till we get to the heart. The castle ship will not be able to come any closer, the gases are too dense. They can come in but only if they use their lions or jet packs.”

He then heard Lanark emit a small tone that seemed to resonate and not long after, three lions flew out, Blue was understandably not there but he felt her in his mind and for the first time in too long he was glad to have her there and promised that they would talk and soon. But Red wasn't, which meant Keith hadn't got his message, he felt his heart sink.

He was glad though when he heard everyone else chattering in his ear. 

“We’re here buddy,” came Hunk’s reassuring tone, 

“Look at all this, Lance can you like move so I can see?” Pidge’s familiar curiosity calmed him down immensely as even if it was fruitless at least something could be gained.

“We’re here for you, and Allura says hi too, she may have hijacked Black too,” He could feel Shiro’s warmth and mirth. 

They flew into the heart of the nebula and Lance saw an intimidating Neach-fánais. She was still in a wave of multicoloured dust particles and her own colours blended seamlessly in as her near black skin covered her torso and face. White markings decorated her face and head in what could be described as a crown and went all the way down her tail. Lance knew that she was to be feared, he could feel her presence and her intent as it hung in the nebula. 

“This is him Lanark?” She said, her voice melodious and high, and he felt a shiver run through him and her gaze locked on him.

“Yes, A ’Bhanrigh agam.”

“Why is there others, your orders were explicit. Bring him home and dispose of anyone else.”

“There were complic-”

“Stop talking about me like I’m stupid or not here! I don’t owe you guys shit and I can easily leave. ”

“Like hell you can,” The Neach-fanais turned to him and she let herself uncoil and extend to her full length. Lance instantly knew he fucked up but he stood his ground. He was sick and tired of this already and he just wanted to be out of here. Too much had happened since that day they left Earth and he was done.

“You are to stay here and live with us. You don't belong elsewhere.” She was sneering him and he felt like he wanted to but he couldn’t. He had sacrificed too much for it all to be ripped away by someone who thought they knew best. 

“I said I would meet, I said nothing about staying. Not that I would want to, I have a duty to fulfil and my family.” He sneered back, Lance wasn't going to let some pathetic creature that was probably as old as the universe tell him that his family both in space and Earth were worth jackshit. 

“Your duty is to us and your chosen.”

“My ’chosen’ as you called him isn't here. I don't care who you are just say what you want so I can go.”

“He’s right next to you, you ungrateful ingret.”

Lance looked over and saw Lanark darken physically, like he wanted to be anywhere else than where he was floating. 

He heard the gasps over the comms he had access to, and Lance, being the person he always would, took Lanark by the arm and swam off leaving the others in shock.

They stopped at the outer edges of the nebula, and he thought he may have misjudged Lanark slightly. They didn't talk and any interaction was terse, but after seeing who he had to answer to he could start to understand it. He might as well offer an olive branch and learn more. 

“Now I understand why you were hard with us. She must be a joy to be around.”

“She’s my mother, try growing up with her,”

“What was it like? Oh Lanark, glow a little less you’re interrupting my basking,”

“Lanark? Why can't you shrink, you’re making me look smaller,”

“Lanark? Why haven't you taken down Voltron yet?”

Then Lanark was laughing and it sounded like bells, and he realised he had definitely misjudged him. 

“Let's start again. Hi, I’m Lance, Paladin of Voltron and general Badass.”  
“Lanark, nothing really special.”

“Hey, I’m sure that's not true, and I’m new to all this so you’re the closest to all this than I have seen. You honestly don't seem that bad despite trying to kill us all, so not the worst first meeting I can assure you. Was that a family member you were hugging earlier?”

“Yeah my little sister, the one with all the talent. Mother doesn't care for us really. She’s more concerned with what happens outside the nebula. She sent me after you and saw that you’re my chosen. Like I believe that. I want to love because they love me for me, not because our patterns match.”

“So that's the deal with being ‘chosens’ the universe putting two people who would be good together cos they complement you or bullshit. Sounds great but it’s easy. Love is work and it takes knowing someone. You’ll meet them, and sometimes, it means a friendship or kinship rather than romance. So yeah I’m your chosen but I love my boyfriend and I don't want to leave him.”

“I like that idea, so friends?”

“Friends,” Lance smiled at Lanark and opened up his arms for a hug and Lanark returned it, wrapping his tail round Lance’s.

“So what do we do now? I probably should learn more about all this,” Lance asked, gesturing to himself.

“Yeah, I can teach you, play my mother or something. We tell your friends everything. I just want to be out of here, take my sister some place else. It's bad here and, I think she’s doing something that affects the universe, bad things. I don't know just I need out.”

“I think the team will warm up to you, let's go play nice with your mother.”

It was a hard long slog trying to talk with Lanarks mother, who still hadn't introduced herself yet. She argued every point and berated Lanark at every opportunity but they agreed that Lance would stay temporarily until a full agreement could be met. He told the team they were heading out to the edge of the nebula where the castle was stationed. 

 

Keith heard Lance’s apology but wanted nothing to do with it. He saw Lance return with Lanark at his side with a small smile on his face and he knew he was done and barely listened in when they appeared on a screen in the bridge. He heard bits and pieces and the one that stood out was that he and Lanark were essentially soulmates. How could Keith compete with that? He gave up, and Lance hadn't even bothered to say it was over, he wasn't worth even that. 

He heard Shiro tell Lance that they found his bayard and undersuit would change with him and Pidge had developed a way for him to switch forms without having to enter an atmosphere. He heard Lance’s excited chatter and he introduced Lanark to the team, who still had their reservations but accepted what he said. He moved out of the bridge and went to the shared room and found what he needed to go back to his room.

Once everything was moved, he walked back to the dining room before he hid again, to allow himself to get ever his heart break. He felt his entire being feel like it was extinguished when he saw Lance running at him, smile on his face and yelling his name.

“Just piss off will you?” Keith snapped at Lance and his heart didn't break even more at the hurt on Lance’s face. “You just left and you got someone else. You could have told me you know? I thought I meant more to you than that.” Oh gods, the tears were starting.

“You do and what Keith? What happened? What did I do?”

“You know what you did Lance, just… ugh!” He barged past Lance and ran to his room.

“Keith! KEEIITH!!” Lance yelled, his voice echoing off the walls yet Keith kept on running. They always left and he was a fool for thinking otherwise, why did he try to believe this would be different? He always ended up with his heart in tatters and and more alone than before. He would allow the night for him to mourn with his sorrows and pain and tomorrow he would wake up and rebuild the walls around his heart, taller, wider and deeper than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeahhh... pretty angsty and will be resolved sometime. i dont have schedules for this i just write when i can. and yeah, life has gotten pretty shitty as i had to move on from a really close friendship that turned sour as well as my mental health completely failing. so yeah hella angsty.
> 
> as normal every read, kudo and comment are appreciated and really makes my day when i see people like this!!! 
> 
> thank you and feel free to yell with me on tumblr!!!!


	4. I Was Born To Walk Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith face up to a Lot and Lance learns a bit about what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least this is done so hopefully you guys like it!! Didnt have much time to write as working in retail absolutley sucks when it comes to the festive season but i hope it lives up to everything!!!

Lance had thought they were good, at least enough to say if anything was wrong, Keith wouldn't ignore him like that unless he had seriously fucked but he didn't know what he had done. Maybe he was meant to be with Lanark after all, though he couldn't just stop loving Keith. Lanark was starting to be a cool guy but he wanted _Keith,_ he wanted the guy he fell head over heels over with, he wanted the only person who tried to deal with all his shit. 

Keith had said he had left and gotten someone else, but he had told them all what had occurred and stressed that he wouldn't leave Keith, especially as he didn't believe in some bullshit that guaranteed jackshit. So Lance decided he would give Keith one more chance before he moved on. With all this he could just wander space on his own and hope that he could help as many people as he could.

He steeled himself as he knocked on Keith’s door, there was a shuffle and eventually the door opened. Keith looked a mess his hair all over the place and heartbreakingly distraught. 

“Yes?” Keith's voice was terse and uncaring, even more than when they started being part of Voltron.

“I came to see if you were ok, and…. If it would be ok to talk about all this.”

“Not that there’s much to talk about but go on.”

“Look I’m sorry I left without saying, I tried to find you but I couldn't and I don't think you got my apology. There might be something wrong with that babel fish chip afterall. Allura needed me as Lanark was talking and I had to go. There wasn’t any time but I still tried and I am sorry if I hurt you.”

Lance was still confused as to why he was facing Keith’s wrath. He had told him everything even if it wasn't one to one, he wasn't hiding anything, especially he love for Keith.

“You still left! And you fucking belong to Lanark. Go make goo goo eyes at him or something, it's obvious that I’m not what you want or need. Its Fucking ME. Just fuck off, I’m done, with this and especially you. You cant say Im enough when the person literally made for you is hanging around outside. Go be happy and leave me be. I don't need or want you anymore.”

Lance knew his heart had broken. This was the rejection he had been expecting since his pining days. He thought the hurt would emerge in tears but it came in stone cold anger. 

Angry Lance didn't yell, nor did he make a scene or fuck around. Angry Lance was a damn force to be reckoned with.

“I told you all that I rejected that bond in favour of a platonic one. Cos I fucking _love_ you. Some bullshit marking won't ever tell me who I can or cannot love. But if you're done, then I guess I have to be too. I hope everything works out for you and you find someone who makes you happy, you deserve it in your life..” Lance’s voice was like a water jet cutting metal, waterfall eroding away rock. A tsunami no one saw coming. Lance may have embodied water, the way it was fluid, adaptable and always found a way back. But he also held its destructive power in a flourish of words or small actions. Lance was beyond pissed because he had tried. He had tried so hard and he failed. Again. Though they still had a mission and a world to save. Any bullshit of his own making could wait. The mission was more important the _lives_ of others were more important than his emotional turmoil. Consequences be damned. Yet he had meant that he hoped someone would treat Keith right, even of it wasn't him. He had let his voice soften at that, so Keith knew it was sincere. 

So he left Keith at his door and headed for the small music room again, he made sure it was sound proof before he left his sobs take him over. There was no one left for him. He want going yo see his family any time soon if ever, his friends would only reprimand him and say this was bound to happen or some thit and the one person he thought he could turn to just ripped hImself from Lance’s life. There really was no coming back from this, he thought, Keith didn't want him anymore and it hurt so bad. He really should have expected it, it want going to work out he just felt so stupid. 

Lance didn't leave the music room until he decided that space would be the space he needed.

 

Keith was confused, hurt and mad. Lance was mad but he still wanted the best for him, he wasn't doing anything for Keith to help get over him. Keith wanted to hate Lance but he couldn't. He had broken them up and it was on him, and the worst part was that he was calming down and Lance’s words sunk into him. Phrases like ‘platonic bonds’ and those three words, ‘I love you’. 

Keith started to see he had messed up, his own brooding and self absorption had made him filter out Lance and how he was trying to explain. He had more than fucked up, gods, why was he such an idiot? Lance had proven to him over and over and over again that he would be there for Keith, why could he have just shown the same back. He had only wanted to protect himself from something that wasn't even a thought in Lance’s mind. He shouldn't have relied on his instincts there, when it was telling him to end it there and then to save the pain from being worse. But the pain he felt right there and then also threatened to swallow him whole.

Wallowing in self pity isn't getting him anywhere and his pity party royally sucked. The only way he was ever going to move forward was if he and Lance talked, face to face and just pray Lance had not fully given up on him yet. That maybe, just maybe they could salvage something from the burning wreckage.

He left his room and searched out all the usual hiding places Lance frequented, when that failed he turned to Hunk and Pidge who hadn't seen him since they were holed up in the lab. He asked Shiro and Allura if he had passed their way and was told to get some sleep and all will be well when he woke up.

Except that it wasn't. Lance was nowhere to be found and nobody had heard or seen hide nor hair of him, and Keith was concerned enough to make Coran do a full scan of the ship. It came up negative to any of Lance’s life signs. Keith sat and scoured all the footage in his little port in the command deck while the others worked around him. He followed Lance from his room for him to disappear somewhere near the top decks. He came out again, a lot worse for wear and opened an air lock, shedding his clothes and allowing himself to be pulled out. There was nothing left on the screens. 

“Lance,” Keith breathed, his name a prayer on his tongue but for all the wrong reasons. It was a prayer for safety and a beacon home. He then noticed there was a message on his own part of the network and he just knew he would have to be alone for this. He made his way to their room, it still was - Lance would be back he hoped, and opened up the message on the tablet that they shared. An image that was obviously recorded in space appeared, the chip did work. Keith knew that but he just ignored Lance that time. 

Lance was in a small haze of purples and pinks and he didn't know how he could see Lance’s beautiful face, but it made his heart pull out of his chest towards space. 

“Hey, I’m still mad but I guess this is it for us and well for me. Voltron comes first and you guys cant form with me feeling like this and Allura can have Blue. I’ve blocked her out completely so she’ll have to accept her. I don't have anything out here. You know what I mean, you know what I'm talking about. I’ve got nothing to lose and nothing to prove, I’m bowing out. I’ll be here for a while but as soon as I’ve learnt what I need, I’m gone.”

I really hope you find someone who makes you so happy you’ll forget about me or just become a distant memory, somebody you used to know. Hunk and Pidge have similar messages and I’ve altered everyone else's. Goodbye Keith, I really did love you, you know?” Lance sounded dejected and so out of hope and Keith realised that he couldn't even cry. 

Lance was really going. He couldn't just sit there but he knew Lance needed space, though it wasn't as if they were physically running out of it now. But he couldn't just sit there so he ran to the command deck and tried to set up the scans, frantically pushing any and all buttons, tears finally falling. Lance’s signature was surrounded by two others. Fuck, he had really fucked up. Lance must have run to Lanark, the only person he knew here, Keith hoped Lance would be happy. They would go on without being each other's significant other, but he still wanted Lance in the castle, wanted Lance to be able to go home to Earth and find a home in someone.

Keith sighed and went to the training room and set the gladiators to increase in level after each defeat. He couldn't stop Lance’s message replaying over and over. Nothing to lose or to prove, I hope you'll find someone. Lance wasn't coming back and it was kinda his fault but Lance didn't need to leave like that, the team needed him and in a selfish way so did Keith, even just Lance’s presence made him feel better. Keith vowed to himself that he would fix this, or at least start to head them on the right course.

All throughout his own internal monologue, he defeated bot after bot until he finally exerted himself and slumped in the middle of the room. He didn't even notice Shiro had entered the room until the familiar weight of his hand lay on his shoulder. He took the hand and hauled himself up and fell into Shiro’s open arms and allowed himself to be hugged.

“I fucked up. I fucked up so bad and now he’s gone.” 

Shiro ran his prosthetic hand through his hair in a calming motion. 

“You may have, but it's on all of us including him. We didn't notice or fully fight but he didn't come to any of us, he kept it all locked in. We kind of failed you too, you needed us just as much even if you didn't realise it. You've been dancing with the devil recently, it's like you love he pretends to care rather than anyone else caring because you were so caught up in your fears.

“Which are well founded in the past but now? Not so much you have an entire family who care and want you be happy and like seeing the best you you can be. Especially an elder brother who has a lot of blackmail - such as Halloween that one year…” Shiro started to smile and laugh a bit while Keith simply drew out his Mamora blade and ever so slightly threaten Shiro with it.

“If you _ever_ tell anyone that just know I where you sleep at night and your hair may not be so perfect anymore. But you're right and I need to apologise but we need to be there for him, something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it.” Keith felt his gut warning him, twisting and turning against something he felt, something Red too was feeling something. They didn't know what but it certainly felt like walking into a trap hidden in plain sight. 

 

Lance found a bit of dense gases that felt good in his skin and curled up, he gave up trying to process his feelings after he recorded everyone's messages. Somehow Kuro and Kolivan’s were hard, especially after he realised his music would draw people in. He recorded Keith's last and he felt the weight he carried in his heart grow and grow, filled with the people he had lost. His family on Earth, the Earth itself, all those he had made friends with and lost in this war. Now there was Keith, in the one place he never wanted him to be. A load of good but painful memories. 

He started to him to himself to help sleep arrive and black out his consciousness, he got lost in the feeling of his voice thrum through his bones. Soon Neach-fanáis flocked around him, Lanark and his sister included. Lanark shooed the rest of them away, claiming Lance as he was his Chosen. Lance was grateful that most people had dispersed but he kept on humming. Lanark’s little sister curled up into his arms and he felt Lanark wrap himself quite literally around him, tail wrapped around theirs and joined in with his own humming. All the vibrations in their bodies sent them to the land of dreams and Lance woke up glad he didn't dream of the castle or Keith.

When Lance woke up, Lanark was off to the side awake and preparing something, while his sister was still snug in his arms, tail wrapped around his waist. 

“Morning? Do you get days and shit in nebulas?”

“It's whenever, we age as slowly as the universe so time doesn't really become a thing. Though I am the second youngest, in intergalactic standard units I would be twenty pheebs old. Iolaire is only twelve pheebs old. They're then a thousand or so between me and the next. So yeah we are each other's only company. 

“Iolaire has never left the nebula cluster and finding you was my first time out, I took a pheeb to find you so I could be free, it was by chance I found you. But I also wanted to see what I've been missing out on, I don't trust my Mothers decisions, she's stuck in her ways and I'm worried what will happen.”

Lance was struck and he had subconsciously held Iolaire closer to him, reminded of his younger sisters. He desperately missed being a brother but Lanark was being open, he wouldn't betray that. 

“Worried about what? There's a war going on in the whole universe so very few planets have been undisturbed, let alone a whole species such as your self.do you think your mother is influencing it somehow?”

“Yes. She’s powerful and old, she always wants more. One day I will be strong enough to just leave and take Iolaire with me but until then all I can do is survive for my sister. She deserves so much better than this. If you're gonna be here now, please don't expect any kind of warm welcome, this pod is old and stuck in the ways since before most galaxies were formed. There are stories and most of them are true.” Lanark grimaced and popped a bit of food in his mouth. 

“It's metals and minerals that form in the nebula. We are not carbon based like sixty percent of the universe.” Lanark explained after seeing Lance’s astounded face. He pushed some over to Lance and it floated over to them and he found he kinda liked it. He was only probably part space mermaid but he had to survive in this form somehow and it wasn't the worst way he found out. 

Lance was munching on metal clusters when Iolaire woke up from her slumber and started to swim this around them.

“You're Lanark’s Chosen?” She trilled, like actual trilling, Lance thought he must have been going crazy but he was part space mermaid so there was that.

“Kinda I guess? But it's more of a friendship rather than romantic,”

“Good because I don't want you breaking my brothers heart. He's been through too much already. I -”

“Iolaire! Here some food now make sure you eat enough. Lance, Mother will want me to start teaching and training you.” Lanark interpreted and started to pull him away from a smirking Iolaire. He was too reminded of Heather to care too much about the situation be he was also looking forward to learning more about himself. 

They started to swim on through the Haze as they tried to find a safer spot to talk, without the risk of being overheard. They moved with relative ease until Lance suddenly saw black and hung limply in space. He felt like he was slipping away into some deeper part of his brain but he found he lacked the energy to fight it.

_He had to run, the pod was dangerous especially under Eilidh. She wanted power, and she was ruthless. She collected things and was possessive and she was starting to meddle in the affairs of something he didn't want to know about. He left the nebula clusters, and he knew he wasn't noticed. He was smaller than everyone else and it meant he had been overlooked. It was probably for the best as he really was different. He could channel and generate electricity through own body and he knew Eilidh would have his head._

_He left and he traveled through space until he was set upon by a massive ship. He knew a war was brewing again as he felt it in the space. He saw the destruction and fed from it in a grotesque way, eating the carcasses of ships that hung uselessly in space. Swollen bodies and blobs of things he didn't want to know dotted the space around them. He wasn't surprised when he was eventually hit by something._

_They didn't even know they had hit something either, he was just on the edge of its effects but it knocked him into a gravitational field of a planet and down, down he fell. He landed in a liquid and he felt the burning sensation under his skin recede and the electricity fizzle out. He felt smaller than he ever had and he felt cold? He wasn't old by his people's standards and it showed when he looked at what he had become. He had pale legs and dark red hair that fell over his shoulders and thoroughly exposed to the elements. Waves crashed down on him and he was tossed and churned until he landed on something solid. Rocks towered over him and he rolled off what he had landed on onto softer smaller rocks._

_He heard noises from somewhere and didn't look at it, he closed his eyes and prayed his end would be swift. Instead there was a weight placed on him, swaddled by it and picked up by strong warm arms._

_“ Malcom, what are we to do? We cannae just let him die! How did he end up here? There has nae been any wrecks. The poor bairn.”_

_“Rosslyn, he can stay with us, hey lad, can ye tell us your name?”_

_He registered the words and understood them for the most part, even if some words were weird. “I don't have one.” He replied with a heavy heart and it was true no one had given him one as they all thought he would die before the first decapheeb of his life. He saw the two people look at each other and he wondered what it would be like to have a family, to be loved._

_“Yer now Hamish then, we'll look after ya kid.” Oh, so he was young and he liked Hamish, he felt like he could live with it, in this new skin. He never did fit in with the tails._

_They took Hamish back to their little croft and gave him clothes, shelter and food. He learned what it was like to love and be loved in turn. He eventually told them but it never changed the way they saw him or their unwavering love. He grew up and married his best friend, he and Fiona grew old together and had a few kids; Angus, Duncan and Malcolm. They all went their own ways but always made to visit them in the croft in the Scottish highlands. Angus had meet his wife in Cuba and had four wonderful children, Malcolm was more than happy raising dogs and his only child and Duncan and his husband we more than happy with the two toddlers they had adopted into their lives._

_When Hamish had heard Lance had gone missing from the Galaxy Garrison, he felt his blood go cold and he knew something would happen, that maybe his genes got into his and that Eilidh would come find him. He so desperately wanted to protect his grandson but Hamish was on Earth with no way of knowing whether Lance was even still alive. He felt like he had been chasing rabbits down holes, that Lance was doomed to be born to walk alone, with the weight of everything and everyone on his shoulders._

Lance woke up from the trance he had fallen into, these weren't his memories, they were his grandfather's? Well it explained how he could speak Gaelic so well, the languages were so similar, but he now knew for certain that the Neach-fanáis who led the pod, she must have been the Eilidh he talked about, was scheming.

“Lanark, you mother is definitely up to something but I need to tell you everything, something just happened.”

Lance told Lanark of everything that he saw and what it could only mean. 

“Look, I know you're happy about this but, your family need to be on this, they deserve you and you did do a pretty shitty thing. You don't just leave them!” Lanark exclaimed, his arms moving between Lance and the general direction of the castle ship. 

“I didn't fit in! They wouldn't have wanted an eleventh wheel,” Lance replied dejectedly.

“How would you know? Did you ask them? Keith certainly seemed like he would miss you, even if you weren't a paladin. How about your friends Lance? Look, I've made mistakes that I believed in and others that I don't. I don't regret the ones I did because I thought I was doing what was right. Everything that come from those were worth the fight, life and love are worth the fight. Cause in the end the road is long but it only makes you stronger and so much better for it. Sure there are peaks, twists and turns but sometimes, sometimes you just have to forget about things. Live those mistakes and admit them. And be better for it. 

“Apologise to them, all of them and talk to your Lion, sounds like you really need each other. And Keith.” 

Lanark was right and Lance knew he had to apologise for this before they moved onwards, he just hoped it wasn't too late.

 

Keith heard a message play over the tannoy, announcing Lance and Lanark's arrival. He knew not to get his hopes up but he wanted to be able to face Lance even with a broken heart. He rolled of the bed with a sigh and walked to the command deck where Lance and another humanoid stood. 

It took a while to realise that the humanoid in question was Lanark. There were subtle differences such as the vividness of his eyes and that he was still working out how legs worked. He didn't realise that he had been starting at the pair or that Lance was staring right back at him. Keith knew this would be inevitable but he vowed to himself he wouldn't be an ass.

Pidge and Hunk soon joined them when Lance started to speak,

“I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left and I should have made an effort to talk to you guys properly instead of trying to deal with everything by myself. It was selfish and if you are ok with it, would you have me back on the team?” 

“You never really left,” said Shiro and he drew Lance into a hug, Pidge gave him a playful punch on the arm and gave him a stern warning against any and all face masks with the use of green food dye. Hunk almost dived on Lance, and promised a long honest talk later, while Coran ruffled his hair glad to see him back. 

Keith didn't know what to do so he stood awkwardly to the side. Lance introduced Lanark to them formally before he pulled away from them and nervously walked over to Keith. 

“I guess we need to talk, yeah?” Lanark asked, more a statement than a question but Keith could see Lance’s hands trembling and wringing them. 

“We do but look, I'm sorry I was and ass and I will give you a proper apology alone but damn I missed you,” Keith didn't know where he was going with this, he seemed to word vomit but Lance was talking to him again. 

“I missed you too, and no matter what happens we’re moving forward together in whatever form it may be.”

“Yeah, I'd like that. So our room?” Lance nodded and they left the room without being noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there is a plot im just getting to it. i need to fix my angst from chapter 3!!!!
> 
> as always every comment, Kudo and read are loved and appreciated!!! I dont bite promise!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!!!! so this is another fic and please feel free to scream at me on [Tumblr!!!!](http://theshadowsandsilhouettes.tumblr.com/)


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